Epic Pokemon Rap Battles
by PoolThaKid
Summary: In this series you find your favorite pokemon going head to head on the mic to find out who's the better lyricist. You decide the matchups. You decide who wins. Loosely based off of Epic Rap Battles Of History.
1. A Fierce Battle: Milotic vs Gyarados!

EPIC. POKEMON. RAP BATTLES!

MILOTIC...

VERSUS.

GYARADOOOOOOOOS

BEGIN

Milotic:

I'm graceful; you're distasteful, so get off my fins!

Just swim away, this sea serpent's gonna win!

You and your temper, sheesh, calm the fuck down,

You're part water, but thanks to my lyrics, you'll drown!

Stop with this dragon rage, you're not impressing the crowd,

You're the only shiny no one has ever given a fuck about!

I'm a symbol of beauty, while you're much less,

I know you're crazy, just confess.

GYARADOS:

I'm on the offensive, ruling this rap game with aggression,

You're a frilly fucking fruit, that's my only confession!

I've been storing up power and now it's time to initiate it,

There's no need to say it, you've been obliterated

You're a pretty boy with no skills; I don't know why you're trying,

If I said I was impressed, well bitch I'd be lying!

It's the G to the ARADOS shockin' you like a tazer,

All I got to say is IMMA FIRIN MY LASER!

*Gyarados uses multiple hyper beams on the entire battlefield; all that's left is a giant crater. Milotic begins to glow blue as a light blue orb forms around it. A circle expands outwards, encompassing the entire battlefield. The battlefield then fills with pure water*

MILOTIC:

Hey ugly, you can't win with those tricks,

My coat is pure beauty, yours is full of ticks,

You may be strong but you've just been charmed

Me against you? no way I can be harmed

I'm perfect and marvelous, you're just a waste of space,

Even I'm having trouble recovering from your face!

GYARADOS:

You've enraged the beast within! Now you're going to feel the pain of a million suns!

I'm much stronger than you, but the first chapter of ass kicking has just begun!

You have no way to beat me! You have no effective skills,

I'm summoning a BLIZZARD! You just got the chills!

It's good that you stopped; your lyrics were just a bore!

Too bad you're nothing more than that guy Juan's whore!

*A pokemon drops down from the sky and lands in the water in between the two battle rappers. Milotic and Gyarados both look at the pokemon. The newly created pool becomes calm. The pokemon glances at Milotic and Gyarados. Then the mystery pokemon takes a deep breath...*

KINGDRA:

Both of you! There's no need for confrontation!

I know you're both failed Seadra mutations!

I'm the supreme, the ruler of the sea for sure!

Don't make me snipe both ya asses right outta hurr(here)!

Milotic, I'll swiftly swipe your skills from right under ya nose,

Dragon beats Water, that's how that goes!

And Gyarados, what are you doing? Are you fucking insane?

When you're up against a real Dragon you BOTH'LL get maimed!

Who won?

Who's next?

You decide!

Epic Pokemon Rap Battles.


	2. Bugged Out: Beedrill vs Vespiquen!

Deep in route 12 in the Unova region, a war is being fought. The spoils? The best bush in the route. Within the rustling bushes, Weedles are taking on Combees head to head. Each side is fighting for the right to the bush. The Combee army has an obvious advantage, due to them having wings. The Weedle army then calls in for reinforcements. Three squads of ten Metapod arrive. They fend off the Combee brigade quite well, using their Harden attack for great defenses. The Weedle then take the offensive, using all sorts of poison based attacks. The Combee are forced to retreat, but a savior appears. Vespiquen! The heroic bee pokemon uses Attack Order and topples over the first line of Metapod. A shadow gets cast over the battlefield. Every pokemon that is present looks above the bushes. The figure descends onto the battlefield and reveals itself. It's… Beedrill!

Epic. POKEMON RAP BATTLES

Vespiquen.

Versus.

Beedrill.

Begin.  
BEEDRILL:  
You may be the queen but the king is here,  
Buzz buzz buzz, don't you know I'm everywhere?  
Ya got no chance against this superpower,  
I'll chop you up and cook ya like a delicious clam chowder,  
I'm famous! I'm in a ton of episodes,  
Here's a hint girl: You're too slow!  
My stinger will donate a slow and painful death,  
I'm a poison infused legend, FEEL MY WRATH!

VESPIQUEN:  
Buzz buzz buzz? All I hear is wub wub wub  
What's wrong? Didn't your mommy ever give you a hug?  
Hold it up Davie, now you're under pressure,  
I spit liquid mercury hotter than an oven burner!  
I'm the ruler of the Combees, you evolve at level 10,  
That means you suck, can't you get it through your head?  
We already know who's the greatest of us both,  
Combees! Attack Order this dolt!

A rush of Combees all come and rush Beedrill. It falls down to the ground and enters the fetal position, trying to block future harm. Once the Combee rush lets up, Beedrill begins to glow a greenish yellow. It slowly gets up and starts floating. Its wings flap at a constant rate, creating a classic hip hop style beat. The grass below starts moving back and forth from the force of Beedrill's wings. Behind it, Vespiquen hears a massive wave of buzzing. "Oh shit." A massive group of at least twenty Beedrill comes forth to aid their comrade.

BEEDRILL ARMY:  
You're messing with us; well you've summoned the swarm!  
We're all here to fire off a lyrical thunderstorm!  
You can't compare, we're legends from Gen 1!  
You're a stuck up bitch, you're basically done!  
We harass Ash and his pals because we get bored!  
We suck? You're 100% female, ya whore!

VESPIQUEN:  
Hah! It takes all of you to even be slightly cool,  
You think you're tough, I can have Pokemon rap for me too!  
COMBEE ARMY:  
HAH! Your lyrics are weak! We defend heal and attack!  
You all look like ya just smoked some bad crack!  
Get off our backs! You're kind of a nuisance!  
That just won, bitches. So deuces!

Who won?  
Who's next?  
You decide!  
EPIC POKEMON RAAAAAP BATTLES!

Original suggestion:  
Carlos-sama: Lol xD! Kingdra won!  
Combee vs Beedrill!  
Nice job!

A/N: I hope you guys liked the backstory I wrote. I want to include more backstories later on for more of the battles. It just adds more realism, in my opinion. Tell me what you think of the backstory concept! And don't forget to suggest battles!


	3. Spirits Arise: Cofagrigus vs Chandelure!

A/N: Me and a friend recorded the audio to Milotic vs. Gyarados because why not. Here's the link! I'm not sure if we're gonna do this again, so enjoy. (At the end of the battle)

"A sandstorm rages. There's sand every which where. Dunes as far as the eye can see. This is a place known to all as the Desert Resort. As we venture even further into the desert, we stumble upon Relic Castle, an underground labyrinth home to the ghost Pokémon known as Cofagrigus. This Pokemon is very mysterious, not much is known about it. From the few facts that have been uncovered, it apparently eats humans. Nevertheless, we've ventured deep into the Relic Castle to discover the secrets shrouding this Pokemon." The reporter broadcasted. "CUT" The director interrupted. The camera crew took a water break; the heat inside of the relic castle was more intense than you'd think. "Rob?" The director shouted. Rob was the new intern. His job was to deliver drinks to whoever needed them. The director called out a second time. "Rob!" Still, no response. "Eh, screw it. Everybody back on scene." The cameras started rolling again as the skinny Caucasian reporter lady continued with the documentary. A moan could be heard a little further within the tunnel the crew was working in. "Let's check it out." The reported said confidently. She walked forward through the passage and reached the end. She was faced with a decision. She could either walk left or right. She took a left turn. Instantly after she turned, she shrieked. The camera men hurried towards the end to see what was there. There was a mummy hoisted up against the wall, head unwrapped. It was trapped. "Rob?" Rob grunted in a panic, there were bandages over his mouth restricting him from talking. The reporter removed the bandages and Rob spoke. "Behind you!" The reporter and camera crew looked back simultaneously. They were face to face with a Cofagrigus. Everyone except for the director panicked. He got the Cofagrigus' attention by tossing some sand in its face. He abruptly threw his pokeball in front of himself. The quick flash of light subsided to reveal another ghost pokemon.

EPICPOKEMONRAPBATTLES

Cofagrigus

VERSUS!

Chandeluuuuuuuuuuure

BEGIN.

CHANDELURE:

I'm sorry; I don't remember ordering the most useless ghost,

I'd ask you for some special attack, but I got the most!

One, two, three, four, how many arms do you need?

It's easy to kick your ass without even legs or feet!

I'm the best of Gen five, I represent the greats!

You trap little girls inside you and leave no trace!

My rap passion burns as hot as my flaming inferno,

I'll make this ownage simple but thorough.

COFAGRIGUS:

Ownage? You couldn't make me laugh more if you tried!

You said that you're the best ghost Pokémon, but you lied!

Looks like you forget number 563,

Stop trying to burst your flame all over me!

BURRRRNED! Now here's a super Hex!

How can a chandelier have sex?

Please don't try again; your first verse was pure shit,

Shadow Tag, you're it.

CHANDELURE:

Wanna know how you're gay? You have fag in your name!

That's the reason you were banned, what a damn shame,

Your best stat is one that doesn't even matter,

Coffins are like glass, and ya just shattered.

The only thing you're good for is Toxic and Protect,

It's a pity you challenged me, you got wrecked.

COFAGRIGUS:

At least I can still learn moves after evolving, ya dick,

I'm the mysterious ghastly rap architect,

Here to blow you away with such incredible rhymes,

I'm looking at ya eyes but I ain't getting' hypnotized,

All I see is the winner, me,

So once again, you forgot 563

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC-E-E-E-EPIC POKEMON R-R-R-RAAAAP BATTLES!

Original suggestion: from Chandelurefan1

Here is a suggestion  
Chandelure vs Confagrious

**tinyurl MiloticvsGyarados**

**Add dot com and a / for it to work.  
**


	4. Green Everywhere: Scyther vs Pinsir!

Deep in the jungles of Kanto, herds of Scyther are making their daily rounds of the forest. Tinier Pokemon, such as Oddish, use their natural camouflage to stay out of the green Pokemon's way. The alpha male leads the group in search of worthy opponents. The bully of the forest spots a brown spot in the brush of the forest. It speeds over using its profound speed to find out that right there is none other than Scyther's natural enemy, Pinsir. Scyther had been beaten by a Pinsir before, and if he started to retread now, he'd be scrutinized by his pack forever. Scyther tapped on Pinsir's back. It turned around and let out a masculine roar.

EPIC POKEMON RAP BATTLES

SCYTHER

VERSUS

PINSIR

BEGIN

Scyther:

Welcome to the jungle bitch, let me show you around

Because I'm the baddest mofo on this side of town

A lonely little bug with one type is what you are

I'm racing around the world while your speed is sub-par

Slicin' and dicin' just cuttin' up my enemies

Somethin' about you just doesn't sit well with me

Maybe it's the fact that you're horny Twenty four seven

I got a thing for kicking ass, that's my one true confession

Pinsir:

We're not in the jungle anymore so there's no need to feel secure

You can finish rapping anytime now I've got this win for sure

I know you have a hatred of failure but this time you're really screwed

What kind of winged jackass can't learn HM02?

Imma split your body in half and then you'll feel terrified

You're also scared of the color red so it's okay to cry

When you see your body falling apart piece by piece

Sorry there Scythey but this is your final release

Scyther:

Why do I need to fly when you can barely even jump?

I'm not a fire type but I'm blazing you, chump

Did'ya use Scary face? Oh that's just from genetics

One word can describe your whole existence, Pathetic

Pinsir:

I'm firing and tiring relentlessly the winner

I'm getting kind of hungry; it's almost time for dinner

Even though flying beats bug I win, know what I mean?

You green flying creep, now TASTE MY GUILLOTINE!

WHO WON

WHO'S NEXT

YOU DECIDE

EPIC POKEMON RAP BATTLES!

A/N: I'm up for some more battle suggestions. Had this written up for a while and just now decided to post it as a chapter. Glad to be back.


	5. Mewtwo's Fate: Arceus vs Mewtwo!

The mystical realm was a very vibrant and stunning place. The whole area was just empty space as far as the eye could see. Yet there was a still a ground, though it was invisible. Different colored stars and celestial bodies were scatter all around this timeless space. This was a very ancient, hidden world that only Arceus, Dialga, Palkia, Giratina, and the Lake Trio have ever set foot in. This time was different. No other Pokemon or man has ever been in here. Along with the above Pokemon was a very special guest. Our god stomped his hoof on the ground, and the whole room went quiet. It doesn't matter who you are, whenever Arceus is about to speak, you will be silent. Arceus looked over to Dialga, Palkia, and Giratina who nodded to show they were ready. Arceus nodded back and looked back at the outsider in the room.

Arceus spoke with a powerful voice, "The trial for Mewtwo, the Genetic Pokemon begins now. Mewtwo, you have committed the sin of genocide, which is a huge disrespect to me, our world, and most of all, yourself. Here we will decide if you are innocent or guilty. Let it be known, it will not be that easy to get off. It was very wrong of you to kill all those innocent Pokemon. Today, we see your fate. If you are innocent, you are free to go. However, if you are guilty, you will be exiled to the Reverse World where Giratina can do whatever he wants. Even if it means killing you." Arceus began to glow and used Judgement to summon scales in the floor in front of him. Arceus continued, "Now Mewtwo, step onto the leftmost scale to begin the analysis." Mewtwo, with a face of spite and disdain, reluctantly floated over the left scale, and hovered onto it. After a moment, the scale began to gradually move until it hit the ground with a thud.

The whole room went silent and no one spoke for some time. That was, until Arceus regained his composure and spoke again, "So be it. Mewtwo, the scales have reviewed your sins. And unfortunately, you are guilty of this sin. However, there is still one more trial that I have to give you. If you can pass this test, you will be cleared of all charges. As you are aware, rap battling has become somewhat of a craze in our world. If you can defeat me in one of these rap battles, you're free to go. Another thing, I have infused your future raps with your feelings, good deeds, and any trace of innocence. So if you're good enough to best me, it proves you are capable of living along with Pokemon and humans again. So, shall we begin?" Mewtwo stared at Arceus with even more anger and hatred. He snapped and fired a Shadow Ball at Arceus. Dialga, Palkia, and Giratina quickly reacted, using Roar of Time, Spacial Rend, and Shadow Force, respectively. Arceus used one of his Life Plates to deflect the blast. Mewtwo used Protect and survived all of the attacks. Mewtwo smirked and finally talked, "Well, Arceus, you passed _my_ test. So, now we can start the rap battle."

EPIC POKEMON RAP BATTLES!  
MEWTWO!  
VS!  
LOOOOORD ARRRCEEEEUUUUS!  
BEGIN!

Arceus:  
Let the trial begin for the Judgement of this pussy.  
With more attitude, but less brains than your average Aussy!  
Cloned from a fetus undoubtedly birthed to Giovanni or Ghetsis.  
Caught no power, but the crazy from 'im like a disease!  
I'M GOD! No one controls me, hell I control the universe.  
You're too overrated, might as well give a Magikarp your verse.  
You call yourself Psychic? Yet you rely on a Darth Vader getup.  
You look like a creature a blind Psyduck could've made up!  
Dude thinks he's so cool, but ain't it true you were screwed by Mew?  
I bet now you can see why it wasn't me but the scientists who made you!

Mewtwo:  
I've been created for winning, and you think I'll lose?  
I'll Psyshock you, maybe it'll tighten some of those screws.  
Try to stop time around me, I'd still escape your clutches,  
I spoon out more pain than you dish out grudges.  
Your skills are all Normal, I'm coming back Fighting, so stand and salute,  
Is it a coincidence that trainers always blows on your Azure flute?  
And your Hall Origin story is a whole lot of bluffing,  
It's simple science, nothing can be created from nothing!

Arceus:  
An Outcast messing with their masters? Boy, you're a disgrace to Mon' kind!  
I own a Duo of Trios, tear through you faster than Space and Time.  
Give a 1,000 armed bitch slap to your clones! The failure of gene splicing.  
You stoned Ash psychopathic patho feline, heard ya took a dip in his spring!

Mewtwo:  
I'd call you 'Your Honour', but you don't deserve the respect,  
And we all know you're just a type switching Zord reject!  
Why didn't you save Amber? That's what she deserved,  
You can feed off your plates, because you're getting served!

Arceus:  
New Forme? Congrats! Your ass is on your head.

Mewtwo:  
I can destroy anyone's mind, from boasting gods to Reds!

Arceus:  
You're wasting my Time and Space, go pussy out in your hurricane.

Mewtwo:  
I'm the best like no one ever was, who are you again?

Arceus:  
Oh, just the God who puts more Pressure on you than a Snorlax.

Mewtwo:  
The mon with higher speed and special attack? Just look at the facts!

Arceus:  
You've been replaced by Genesect, so suck my Jewels of Life!

Mewtwo:  
I'm fighting their army, you're too old to survive going under the knife!

The two Pokemon floated back to the ground, satisfied with the epic battle they have just had. Mewtwo went back to his solemn state, waiting for Arceus's next words. Arceus went to speak with the other Pokemon. They talked for a bit before Arceus said, "Alright, good thinking." He returned to Mewtwo and glowed again. Which meant scales would appear again, and they did. Arceus said to Mewtwo, "Now, step on these scales once more. This time, all the good energy from the rap battle was transferred into you, which will show how innocent you are." Mewtwo nodded and floated onto the scale. This time his scale didn't budge. Hell, the air floating the other one was heavier and made the other scale crash to the ground. Mewtwo floated back and Arceus smiled, "I will now give my verdict. Mewtwo, congratulations, you are innocent. You may return to your world." Mewtwo smiled as well and went to leave the realm.

WHO WON!?  
WHO'S NEXT!?  
YOU DECIDE!  
EPIC POKEMON RAP BA- *explosion*

The ground in the realm started to shake violently, knocking even Arceus off his feet. Everyone got up and turned to look behind them, where they heard the whirring of the projectile that made the explosion. There was a large black helicopter flying there with a huge red 'R' on the side. The windshield opened up revealing a man in a suit with a Persian. He put the Persian down and jumped to the ground in between the two Pokemon. Mewtwo gasped, "G-Giovanni!?"

Giovanni:  
'Bout to crush Mewtwo's will a second time, cuz I'm dastardly.  
And when I'm through with the goat god he'll be crying "Blasphemy"!  
Arceus, if you're so high and mighty, why do you have so many traitors?  
Speaking of traitors, this feline here has more anger than Gen 5 haters.  
I'm Double Trouble, a Rocket to your utter demise.  
And 'ol Mewtwo here wants his Shadow Balls in Darkrai!  
And my god, MY GOD, compared to me, you're Beta.  
Don't think mob bosses are on the same exact side as PETA.  
The only thing here longer than my dick are Arc's grudges.  
Mewtwo's psychic abilities are only good for carrying Team Rocket's luggage!  
And I Niue that Mewtwo was the manga's adaption of a spooner.  
I'll Ground these Legendaries faster than my pal's speed stats, and no sooner!  
Don't think your top cat, buddy; I have him sitting on my lap.  
Before I met you I thought I couldn't put up with Jessie and Jame's crap.  
Arceus is in the last leg from an Egg in which nothing was made,  
but I snagged the Master Ball and put both you bitches in your place!  
When Game Freak created Arceus, they must've been on Rare Candies.  
But I'm gettin' Viridian of this equestrian god, all fine and dandy!  
So badass I got the whole Elite Four on my Team as Gold members,  
and Mewtwo, my friend, they should've aborted you like Amber.

Mewtwo and Arceus actually looked a bit hurt from what was said, but soon went back to their stances. Mewtwo was the first to speak, "I thought I wiped your memory. How do you remember all that?" Arceus spoke next, "And how did you get here? There's no way to access this realm except for by me." Giovanni smirked evilly and replied, "Fortunately for you, I have answers for both. First, your question Mewtwo. After the first encounter with you, I saw how you erased Ash and his friend's memories the first time. Of course, I wasn't in range that time. I went back to my lab, and wrote down notes on what I saw, my encounter, and everything that happened. I was also doing that the second time we met just before you wiped my memory. Today I returned to that lab and saw these notes and pictures, reactivating my memory. Now, Arceus, I saw you confront Mewtwo and opened up a portal. I activated the cloaking device on my helicopter and followed you here and waited until your little trial was over."

"What do you want?" responded the two simultaneously. Giovanni said, "Simple. I need you for my plans of world domination. While you were rap battling I have a little device in this remote that recorded your voices. It actually managed to take the distinction from the voices and took your DNA from them. Now, it has your DNA, which contain both your weaknesses. And if it wasn't for Arceus's conversation with Dialga, Palkia, Giratina, Mesprit, Azelf, and Uxie, I wouldn't have gotten theirs either. So, have fun serving me." Giovanni pressed a button on the device and all the Legendaries in the realm started being shocked by an unnatural power and fell to the ground. He jumped back in his helicopter and pushed a button that grabbed them and stored them in his helicopter. He pressed a button that used part of Arceus's power and it shot a ball of energy that opened up a portal. Giovanni flew through it and returned to his world to start his plans of domination.


End file.
